Love Hina: A different path taken
by Zombie Boy
Summary: What would happen if Keitaro wasn't such a spineless wimp? Badass Keitaro/Kitsune pairing.
1. Chapter 1

Love Hina:

A different path taken.

Oo000oo000oO

Chapter One.

Oo000oo000oO

_My center is giving way, my right is in retreat; situation excellent. I shall attack _— Marshal Foch, WW1 Oo000oo000oO

Twenty six hours.

Twenty six gorramed hours.

That's how long Keitaro Urashima had been on the go since his grandmother's letter had reached him on the job in Africa.

"_Africa."_ Keitaro thought, the corner of his mouth quirking up into a smile as a thought came to him through the haze of exhaustion. "_A couple of years ago, I was studying my ass off in a desperate attempt to get into Tokyo University. I never thought in my wildest dreams that I d have ended up in Africa as a contractor."_

One thing was for sure: He was earning a hell of lot more now doing contracting work than he ever would if he had went to Tokyo U. Though the other way probably would have less explosions.

All thoughts of explosions and other work related problems evaporated as he found himself facing the stairs leading up to the Hinata Inn.

"Oh fuck me."

Oo000oo000oO

Eighty thousand gorramed steps later- or so it seemed- Keitaro made it to the top of the stairs. There he took a moment to stop and take in the sight of the Hinata Inn. It was a huge inn, spread out over the surrounding terrain and multiple stories.

Architecturally, it was all done in the traditional Japanese style, which meant slanted roofs with clay tiles and curved gables, along with wood and rice paper construction. Framed by the cherry trees planted along the front of it, the Hinata Inn made for a stunning first impression.

Shouldering his kit bag again, Keitaro resumed walking the last few meters between him and sweet, sweet, blessed sleep.

"Hello?" he called out when he stepped into the hotel proper after kicking his boots off in the mudroom. "Is there anyone here? Aunt Haruka?"

Not getting a response, Keitaro sighed and trudged off to where the managers quarters were. If there was no one there, well, he could just drop off his stuff and get a quick soak in the baths to get the grime out of his pores before sacking out.

Oo000oo000oO

"Ahhh... This is it." Keitaro said as he settled into the baths.

There was something fundamentally _civilized_ about an open air Japanese bath, Keitaro reflected. You beautiful scenery, fresh air, and the ever so relaxing feeling of settling into a pool of hot water after scrubbing the grime from your body-

The scrape of wood on wood was faint but distinct, and Keitaro was instantly on guard. Mindful of whee he was, he only slipped his hand under folded up towel lying conveniently within reach instead whipping around and leveling his USP Compact at who ever was sliding open the rice paper screen.

Turning around, he was surprised to see a girl standing there, about thirteen to fourteen, wearing a school uniform and looking at him in complete astonishment.

"Ah, hi." Keitaro said in an attempt to break the ice.

The girl blinked once, then let loose with a screech that could have been heard in Osaka before runing back into the Inn.

Keitaro sighed and stood up. "Smooth as ever, Urashima." he scolded himself as he grabbed his towel.

He had gotten himself semi-decent and was walking towards the door to the changing room where his clothes were when he heard footsteps pounding along on the wooden floors of the hotel.

"_What the-two people."_ he thought, his reflexively tightening on the grip of his pistol under it's concealing towel.

Not wanting to deal with two all too likely hostile people in the confines of the changing room, Keitaro stopped well short of the door and moved off to the side. That proved to be a prudent move because a moment later the screen was slid viciously to one side and two girls came charging out, one in street clothes, the other in a hakama and gi.

Keitaro immediately pegged the one in street clothes as the lesser of the two threats, as she was unarmed. The Ronin wannbe, however, was holding a sword and looked like she knew how to use it. She spotted him and turned towards him, bringing her sword up into a ready position.

Or she tried to,anyways. Keitaro was a hell of a lot quicker on the draw than she was and had the safety off and aimed at her head before she even got halfway.

"Don't even think about." he said, an irritated growl coloring his voice.

"First you expose yourself to Shinobu, then you threaten me pervert-" the swordswoman started to say, but Keitaro cut her off.

"Shut up, or I shut you up." he growled, then turned his attention to her companion, who was starting to back away uneasily from the armed confrontation. "You, brown hair. Where's Haruka?"

The brown haired girl froze when he addressed her, and it took her a moment to get her brain working. "Ha-Haruka?" she asked. "How do you know her?"

"I'm her nephew." Keitaro explained. "Now, _where is she?_"

"Sh- she went to the store, she should be back by now..." the brown haired girl said, her gaze never leaving Keitaro's pistol.

"Good." Keitaro said, and looked at the girl with the sword. "You, drop the blade."

"I would never surrender to a immoral coward such as-" the swordswoman started to say, but she was interrupted by the arrival of another woman.

"Settle down, Matoko." the woman said, pausing to light a cigarette before turning her attention to Keitaro. "You've filled out some, Keitaro." she said.

"Hey, Aunt Haruka." Keitaro said, keeping his attention focused on Motoko. "Tell the Ronin wannabe she either drops the blade or I drop her."

Haruka arched an eyebrow at her nephew and glanced at Motoko. "Do as he says, Motoko." she told the girl.

"And leave me at his mercy? I think not." Motoko said, shifting her feet slightly.

Sighing, Haruka reached over and put her hand on the grip of Motoko's sword and forced it down. "Do it, Motoko." she said. "He's got you. You're too far away to strike, and he'll get you before you can close the distance."

Grinding her teeth, Motoko grudgingly gave in to Haruka's request and lowered her sword. As soon as it was sheathed, Keitaro lowered his pistol and flipped the safety on.

"Okay." Haruka said the people assembled around her. "Why don't we all go to the common room and get this sorted out, hmm?"

Keitaro watched as Motoko sheathed her sword and gave him a murderous glare.

"_Gonna be trouble out of that one..._" he thought.

Oo000oo000oO

When Keitaro got the common room, he found that Haruka had gathered all the tenants of Hinata House there. They were all seated on the couches, and someone had thoughtfully provided a tray of snacks- the youngest one, if the apron she had put on was any indicator.

"_Shinobu."_ Keitaro thought as he glanced at her, remembering the conversation that he and the other two girls'd had during their armed standoff.

Said girls were sitting protectively on either side of Shinobu, Trouble or Motoko on her right, and Naru on her left, who gave him a nasty looking scowl as he came in. Keitaro merely gave her an amused smirk and sat down.

"_Look as badass as you want in front of everyone, cupcake."_ Keitaro thought to himself. _"When the shit was going down you were as timid as a mouse..."_

That's when Haruka came in with a girl he hadn't met yet. She looked to be about his age, with short cut hair, fox-like eyes, an amused grin, a tumbler of what looked like Scotch in her hand, and if the blush in her cheeks was indication this wasn't her first one.

"Alright." Haruka said, clearing her throat. "I got Kitsune, so now we can begin. As I'm sure you all know, we have a new resident here at Hinata Inn."

"WHAAAAAT?" was the almost universal reaction from the assembled girls, the exceptions being Haruka and Kitsune.

"That pervert can't live here! This is an all girls dormitory!" Naru protested.

"He's too dangerous!" Motoko yelled.

"..." said Shinobu as she tried level best to blend in with the upholstery on the couch.

Kitsune look amused and intrigued, as if this new development promised potential chaos and shenanigans. Given her name and demeanor, Keitaro wondered how many tails she had.

Haruka merely sighed and crossed her arms. "We don't have much choice." she said, chewing on her cigarette. "He's been appointed as the interim manager."

"What? Why?" Naru demanded.

"Because I'm the black sheep of the Urashima family, and grandma figured that managing this place would get me to settle down and take up a more... _conventional_ line of work." Keitaro answered with a chuckle.

Naru turned her Force 10 Glare of Doom on Keitaro. "And just what _is_ your job?" she asked. "A freelance Yakuza?"

Keitaro snorted in amusement, unfazed by her Glare of Doom and settled down in his chair. "Actually, I'm a mercenary." he explained. "I've spent the last two years in Africa, traveling strange lands, meeting exotic people, and shooting them."

There was a round of shocked gasps from the assembled girls. _"The truth was gonna come out anyways." _Keitaro thought to himself. _"Might as well get it out of the way now."_

"So you _are_ a criminal." Motoko huffed.

"Nope." Keitaro shot back. "The PMC I work for was doing contract work in South Angola, helping out the Christian population deal with irregulars that kept coming down from the Muslim north. We were teaching their defense forces small unit tactics and dirty fighting."

"You were doing anti-terror work?" the new girl- Kitsune- asked.

Keitaro shook his head. "No. we were _training_ their guys. Teaching them how be meaner and nastier than their neighbors." he elaborated, rubbing his eyes. "Fuck, I'm tired."

"Long day?" Haruka asked.

Keitaro looked at his aunt. "I've been on the go for the last..." he paused to look at his watch "Twenty _seven_ hours now with no sleep."

"I see." Haruka said.

"And on that note, I'm gonna go get some." Keitaro said. "I'm sure you guys _all_ have questions and such, but seriously, if I don't get some sleep soon, I'm just gonna drop where I'm at. Good night."

With that, Keitaro walked out of the room.

Haruka was the first one to speak after her nephew left. "Well, that was interesting..." she said.

"He's a thug!" Naru exclaimed. "He's a common, basic, _thug!_"

"Along with being debased and immoral." Motoko added.

Haruka sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Yes, and while those things _could_ be said of him, per Grandma Hinata's order, he's the landlord until she gets back, so you've got to treat him with the same respect that you would her." she said, and held up a hand to quell the inevitable outrage "So bite your tongues and hope that she comes back soon."

Oo000oo000oO

Keitaro was gently woken sixteen hours later by an explosion outside his window.

"The fuck?" Keitaro said, pistol up and sweeping the room for threats. "Oh. Not under attack..."

When there were subsequent explosions, Keitaro flipped the safety on and went to the window to see just what the hell was going on. Sliding it open, he found himself looking out onto the courtyard where he saw Kitsune lounging against a tree drinking a beer while a deeply tanned blond girl poked at a smoking crater with a stick.

"Just what the hell is going on here?" Keitaro demanded, yelling at the two girls. "And who the hell is she?"

"Ohhh, heey." Kitsune said, holding up her beer in a salute. "Me an' Su here were testing her newest invention."

"Su?" Keitaro asked, scratching the side of his head.

"Kolla Su, resident super genius and mad scientist at your service!" the blond haired girl said, flashing Keitaro a grin.

Keitaro blinked a couple of times, then scowled. "Well, could you knock that shit off? Some of us are trying to sleep!" he snapped, then slid window shut.

Kitsune and Su stared at the window for a couple of moments, then it slid back open.

"Wait a minute." Keitaro said. 'What do you mean, resident mad scientist?"

Su grinned at him like a maniac. "Yep!" she said. "That's what I am!"

Keitaro stared at her for several log seconds, his expression that of someone who was seriously contemplating murder.

"Are you Guild certified?" he asked.

"Guild?" Kitsune asked.

"Oh, it's nothing." Su said, waving her hand dismissively. "Just a bunch of stuffy old guys. They sent me a letter, but I didn't pay attention to it."

Keitaro blinked a couple of times. "Su... just so we're clear, you've ignored a missive from the Inter-Dimensional Guild of Mad Scientists, right?" he asked, speaking carefully, as if to someone of diminished capacity.

"Yeah." Su answered.

Keitaro was silent for a couple of moments, then he shrugged. "Okay, whatever." he said. "Just keep the property damage to a minimum, okay? And knock it off with the explosions for today. I'm trying to sleep."

With that, Keitaro slid the screen shut a second time.

Both girls stared at the screen.

"Cranky cranky..."Su commented.

"Yeah..."

Oo000oo000oO

Keitaro finally crawled out of bed after almost twenty hours of sleep feeling completely rested. Rolling out of his futon, he stretched and listened to his joints pop, then went hunting for his pants and a shirt. Both items were quickly located and donned, then he tucked his pistol into his waistband before stepping out of his room with breakfast on his mind.

He found some leftovers and scarfed them down, the decided to go take a walk. As he walked into the living room he found one of his tenets sitting on one of the couches tapping away at a laptop.

"Hey." Keitaro said as he came in.

Kitsune held up a finger in a silent gesture indicating that she needed a second. Keitaro stood back and waited as she resumed her typing. While he waited he felt the need for a smoke and reached into his pockets for his cigarettes only to discover that he had forgotten them in his room. He was about to go back for them when Kitsune finished typing out her thought and turned to face him.

"Hey there." she said, a cheeky grin on her face. "Look who decided to crawl out of bed."

"Yeah." Keitaro said, stretching again. "I figured that about twenty hours was enough."

Kitsune nodded and set her laptop to one side. "So, what you doing?" she asked.

"Well..." Keitaro said, looking around at the living room. "I was thinking that I'd take a walk around the hotel and the grounds, see how the place looks, but right now I first gotta go get my cigarettes."

"Oh." Kitsune said as she got to her feet. "You mind if I come with you?"

Keitaro arched an eyebrow at the grinning blonde.

"You want to hang out with the scary mercenary?" he asked.

"I'm a freelance journalist." Kitsune explained. "And you sound like you've got an interesting story."

Keitaro snorted in amusement. "Woman, you have _no_ idea." he said. "C'mon."

At his invitation Kitsune got up and followed along with him as he went back to retrieve his cigarettes.

"So." Kitsune said. "How does the grandson of sweet old Grandma Hinata come to be a big, scary, mercenary?" she asked.

"That..." Keitaro said "Is a looong story."

Kitsune shrugged and pulled a digital recorder out of her pocket. "I've got time." she said. "You don't mind if I tape this, do you?"

"You're recording this?" asked Keitaro.

"I told you, I'm a freelance journalist, and you've a got an interesting story." Kitsune reminded him.

"Okay." Keitaro said with a shrug. "Well, in the beginning, there was the Big Bang. But that's not important, so I'm going to fast forward to when I was a senior in high school. I was the penultimate loser.

Clumsy, bad coordination, almost no friends, poor academic record that left me almost no chance of ever getting into a good college. The works. Then I met Shinji Akari, and my life got a whole _hell_ of a lot more interesting."

"Who's this Mr Akari?" Kitsune asked as they walked down a hall.

"My boss. Complete fucking maniac, but a nice guy." Keitaro explained as they reached the door to the landlords room. "Anyways, like I said, I ran into him when I was a senior in high school. He used be a lot like me- a "spineless loser", in his own words, and he recognized the potential I had."

"Really." Kitsune said as they stepped into the managers quarters. "So he recruited you?"

"Yep." Keitaro answered. "He recruited me. Told me that I could be doing something so much more productive than a life of quiet desperation in my parents candy shop."

"Your parents run a candy shop?" Kitsune asked.

Keitaro nodded as he scooped up his cigarettes and lighter and shook one out. "Yeah." he said. "It's really famous where I come from. Get a lot tourists coming in. anyways, like I said, he makes his offer, and I was desperate enough at the time that I took it.

Next thing I know, I'm on flight to Mombasa to begin my training. It was rough at first, but then I got used to it and things got a lot better."

Kitsune nodded as Keitaro lit up. "So what do you _do_ exactly, as a mercenary?" she asked.

"Security, usually." Keitaro answered "That, and augmenting whatever country's hired us forces. Usually, it's stuff that they don't have the capability to do themselves."

"Ohhh..." Kitsune said. "What countries have you worked in?" she asked.

"The Congo, lately we've been kicking around North Africa." he answered. "Mainly we've been working for oil companies, protecting their assets."

"That sounds boring." Kitsune commented.

Keitaro laughed and blew out a blue cloud of cigarette smoke. "Oh, it was." he said. "In between fighting off irate tribesmen and screaming jihadi's. Sometimes at the same time."

Kitsune blinked a couple of times and looked at Keitaro. "You're kidding, right?" she asked.

"Nope." Keitaro said glibly. "I got photos I can show you." he offered.

"Uh, maybe later." Kitsune said. "Continuing on, you mentioned that your parents own a candy shop?"

Keitaro nodded as they walked out of his room. "Yeah. Like I said, really famous where I come from, acts as a tourist trap."

"What's your family like?" Kitsune asked.

Keitaro thought for a moment as they walked down the hallway, heading for the front of the Hinata House.

"Well, to start with my family consists of myself, my mom and dad, and my sister." he began. "My parents are okay people, a little too strict and demanding in my opinion, but nice enough."

"And your sister?"

"She's nice too, but she's not the type of person that I would like to introduce to my friends." he explained. "She like's to play with people. It's nothing malicious mind you, she likes to.. she just likes to play games."

"Oh. And how did they react to your choice of career?" asked Kitsune.

Keitaro shrugged in response to Kitsune's question. "Not well." he replied laconically. "Not well at all. They stopped just short of disowning me, but let's just say that we don't talk much these days and leave it at that."

"I see." Kitsune said. "And your friends?" she asked.

"Kimiaki and Masayuki. They joined up with me."

"They did."

Keitaro nodded as they walked out the front of the Hinata House. "Yeah. Shinji likes to take the 'losers' of the world and turn them into badasses."

"He sounds like an interesting man." observed Kitsune.

"You have _no_ idea." Keitaro said as he stopped and looked around at the front of the Hinata House. "It's a gorgeous day, isn't it?" he asked.

"Yeah, it is." Kitsune said, looking around.

Keitaro thought for a moment, then turned to look at Kitsune. "I'm hungry." he said. "You hungry?" he asked her.

"A little." Kitsune answered.

"Good." Keitaro said. "Let's go get a bite to eat."

Oo000oo000oO

"-and so then I landed in the courtyard bare assed naked, and the first thing the boss says is, 'so, they're on the second floor then?' " Keitaro said, demonstrating his trajectory with his hands to Kitsune's amusement.

"Oh God, that's hilarious." the blond journalist giggled before taking a swig of her beer.

Keitaro used this opportunity to take a swig of his own drink and took a look around the bar that he and Kitsune had ended up in looking for a bite to eat. That had been six hours ago, and he and Kitsune were now well and truly drunk.

They had spent those six hours swapping stories, with Keitaro's drifting towards his more outrageous shenanigans. Putting his drink down, he was about to ask Kitsune if she had anything like that when he felt a heavy hand land on his shoulder.

He saw Kitsune's eyes go wide, and Keitaro sighed. Putting his drink down, he looked behind him to see a couple of young men in rather expensive suits, sunglasses, and heavily gelled hair. He flicked his eyes down to look at the hand on his shoulder and saw the barest hint of tattoos peeking out from the edge of the man's shirt cuff, confirming what their apparel suggested.

"You guys are a couple of Yak's, aren't you?" he asked the two gangsters standing behind him.

Both men chuckled and the man who had his hand on Keitaro's shoulder grinned. "We want to walk to your friend." he said, his tone suggesting that Keitaro really didn't have a choice in the matter.

Keitaro glanced over at Kitsune, who's eyes were wide with fear. He looked back at the gangsters and grinned himself.

"Hey, you know what's funny about this situation?" he asked as her grabbed his beer stein.

"What?" the gangster asked right before Keitaro shoved violently back with his feet.

At the same time he slammed his head back into the first man's crotch as he tilted backwards in his chair. The gave a strangled squeak as his bits were smashed by Keitaro's iron skull and folded like a flip phone. The man stumbled backwards into his friend and Keitaro continued backwards, landing on his back.

Keeping his momentum going, he back flipped onto his feet, spun around and smashed his stein into the second mans face, laying him out cold on the floor. Continuing his movement, he grabbed the first gangster and spun him into a headlock.

"I had a shot for a perfect head butt at your crotch, but that's not important now." Keitaro said as he held up the jagged edge of the broken beer stein to the gangster's eye. "What's important is that if I _ever_ see you or your friends around here again, you'll be eating your testicles. Understand?"

"Y-yes..." the gangster choked out, holding his smashed crotch with tears in his eyes.

"Good." Keitaro said, and shoved the man away from him. "Now get the hell away from here or I'll throw you in a hole."

Keitaro watched as the man collected his friend and staggered out, then picked up his chair and sat back down at the table, where Kitsune was staring at him in open mouthed shock.

"You..." Kitsune said, pointing vaguely at the door that the two gangsters had exited through. "You... you actually _did_ that stuff that you told me about..."

"Yeah." Keitaro said. "I, ah, actually, _understated_ things a little."

"What?" Kitsune asked.

"Yeah... it is. You would not _believe_ some of the shit I did." Keitaro said, then turned to the bar. "Need another beer here."

Oo000oo000oO

End.

Author's Note: And so the fun begins... Keep reading. Thing's are only gonna get better from here.


	2. Chapter 2

Love Hina

A Different Path Taken

Oo000ooo000oO

Chapter Two

Oo000ooo000oO

_"One man with courage makes a majority"_ Andrew Jackson

Oo000ooo000oO

Keitaro awoke in an unfamiliar room with a pounding headache and a naked blond woman lying next to him on the futon. One he didn't mind, the other, not so much.

"Where the fuck am I?" he muttered, squinting as he tried to bring the world into focus without his glasses.

Reflexively, he patted the floor on the right side of the futon where he normally put his glasses and his fingers felt the cool plastic of his glasses frames under his fingers. Unfolding them, he put them on and the world came back into focus. Vision corrected, he saw that he was in a room with bare pine ceilings, rice paper screens, and tatami mats covering the floor. His confusion remained until he saw his kit bag lying in the corner and his USP lying on the floor next to the futon, and that's when he remembered where he was and who was lying in bed next to him.

He was in his room at the Hinata Inn, and the woman next to him was Kitsune.

"Heh." Keitaro said, a smile coming to his face as he remembered what he and Kitsune had been doing the night before. "_That_ was fun..."

Then he scowled and looked around the room again.

"Okay, just where the fuck are my cigarettes?"

Oo000ooo000oO

"Kitsune?"

Naru frowned as she gently knocked on the door to her friend's room.

"Kitsune, are you in there?" she asked again.

Frowning, she slid the door open and walked into her friend's room. The front part of her room was empty, Kitsune's collection of empty bottles and kegs gleamed in the morning light. There were no empty bottles or glasses on the coffee table, which told Naru that her friend hadn't been in the room since the previous morning.

"Just where the hell did she go?" asked Naru under her breath.

Sliding the screen in the back of the room open, she saw that the futon was folded up along with the bedding, confirming that Kitsune hadn't came home the previous evening.

"Dammit, Kitsune, just where the hell did you go?" Naru asked her absent friend.

Closing the doors behind her, Naru paused for a second to wonder where her friend had gotten to herself to, then decided that she was just going to wait until Kitsune showed back up and _then_ give her the usual lecture. In the meantime, Naru decided that she was going to go and have a dip in the hot springs.

Oo000ooo000oO

Keitaro found his cigarettes after a thankfully short search, and lit one up after extracting himself from the futon. Deciding to let Kitsune sleep for the time being, he fell back into old habits and decided to check his weapons.

"What're you doing?"

Keitaro flicked his ash into an ashtray and looked over at the futon, where Kitsune was propped up on one elbow looking at him blearily.

"Just checking my gear, old habit of mine." he explained. "Did I wake you?"

Kitsune shook her head, winced, and looked around the futon. "Where are my cigarettes?" she asked.

Keitaro put down his rifle's upper (1) and tossed her his cigarettes along with his lighter. "Here. Use mine." he said. "They're full flavor."

"Thanks." Kitsune said.

Shaking one out, she lit it and then wrapped the covers around herself before getting up and walking over to the table where Keitaro was working.

"What ya doing?" she asked as she sat down.

"Checking my gear, like I said." Keitaro answered her.

Kitsune arched an eyebrow at him as she took a drag on her cigarette. "Expecting to get shot at here in Tokyo?" she asked jokingly, exhaling a blue cloud of smoke.

Keitaro shrugged slightly and held the upper up to the light. "Not doing it will get you killed, so better safe than sorry." he said as he looked down the barrel.

Kitsune nodded and picked one of the components to Keitaro's rifle that was lying on the table in front of her.

"That's the charging handle." Keitaro told her. "It goes into the bolt here-" he picked up a rectangular piece that had a spring wrapped rod sticking out of it and pointed to a small hole in the side. "-and it's what let's me chamber a round or clear the weapon."

"Oh." Kitsune said and put the charging handle back down on the table. "What is it?" she asked.

"Huh?" Keitaro asked, not understanding what she was getting at.

"Your gun." Kitsune clarified. "What type of gun is it?"

"Ohhhh..." Keitaro said, understanding what Kitsune was getting at. "This is a SCAR-L standard assault rifle, made by FN HErstal in Belgium. It's a gas operated assault rifle, chambered in 5.56 NATO with a 368mm barrel and a overall length of 900mm."

Flipping the upper over he pointed to a blocky piece of plastic clamped onto a segmented rail that ran along the top of the upper. "It come with flip up sights and M1913 sped rails for mounting accessories- in my case those are an Aimpoint Pro with magnifier, vertical fore grip, and a multi spectrum laser." he explained, pointing to piece of equipment in turn.

"So, what does all of that _do_, exactly?" Kitsune asked.

Keitaro smiled and picked up the bolt. "It helps me shoot and see what the hell I'm shooting at." he said, giving her the short version.

"Oh." Kitsune said. "That sounds like a lot of stuff to keep track of."

"It is." Keitaro responded as he slid the bolt into the upper and put the charging handle in. "But it's all there to give me an edge over the bad guy, so he's the one doing the dying."

Kitsune frowned slightly as he picked up the lower receiver and joined it to the upper. "That's a very... _Darwinist_ philosophy." she pointed out.

Keitaro shrugged as he finished reassembling the rifle. "It's combat, not a garden party." he stated. "And that's the way it's always been."

"Brutal."

Keitaro stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray. "You get that way after you kick around Africa and it's bush wars for a while." he said. "Anyways, you hungry?"

Kitsune nodded.

Oo000ooo000oO

"So. What are we to do about that... _male_?" Motoko asked Naru as she settled into the steaming pool. "We cannot have him here. He is perverted, and dangerous."

The last part of her statement was said with a glance at Shinobu, who was also enjoying a soak in the hot springs.

"I don't know." answered Naru. "It's not like we can just _force_ him out. I mean, look at what he's did to _us_."

A dark look crossed Motoko's face as she remembered that ego bruising moment when their new "landlord" had made his presence known.

"Yes." she said. "I remember. I suggest a change in tactics. Subterfuge, perhaps?"

_That_ got her a look from Naru. "Subterfuge?" she asked.

"It has it's place in war." Motoko stated, composing herself. "And _he_ is honorless, a mercenary, who fights merely for coin. I have no problem using such tactics on him."

"Okay..." Naru said "So, what, exactly, do we _do_? Anybody have an idea?" she asked, looking at her two companions. "Shinobu, do you have any ideas?"

Startled by Naru's question, Shinobu looked up from where she had been studying the area around the pools. "I- I wasn't paying attention." she said. "I was thinking that the bath's need to be cleaned..."

"That's it!" Motoko said, sitting up. "That's how we can drive him out. He seems to spend an inordinate amount of time lazing about, so I propose that we drive him out by using hard work!"

"What?" Naru and Shinobu asked.

"It's simple." Motoko continued. "We give him so much to do that he just quits."

"That's it!" Naru exclaimed. "Operation Kick Out is in effect!"

"Indeed." Motoko said. "Now to begin, we'll start by having him clean the baths..."

Oo000ooo000oO

"Amateurs." Keitaro sighed and shook his head. "Looks like I'm going to have to teach them a lesson or three."

Squaring his shoulders, Keitaro headed back to his room with his and Kitsune's breakfasts, whistling "What do you do with a drunken sailor?" as he went.

Oo000ooo000oO

"Narusawa!"

Naru jumped when Keitaro banged on the door to her room.

"What?" she asked. "What do you want?"

"Manager- tenant meeting." Keitaro answered.

"Since when do we have those?"

"Since now." Keitaro told her. "Get your butt down to the common room."

_"Just what the hell is going on_?" Naru thought as she got up.

Oo000ooo000oO

"Well, now that we're more or less all here, we can get this thing started." Keitaro said after clearing his throat.

"So, just what is this all about?" Motoko asked from where she was sitting.

"I'm letting you guys know about some changes in policies around here." Keitaro said and looked down at his clipboard. "As manager, it's my responsibility to make sure that the Inn is kept repaired and cleaned."

There were nods all around and Naru exchanged a subtle look with Motoko, something that didn't go unnoticed by Keitaro.

_"Surprise, bitches!" _ he thought. _"I'm onto your little scam..."_

"But, as I'm sure you all aware of, the Inn is much too big for one man to handle by himself." continued Keitaro "So, you all have two options: Either you agree to take on a few chores as part of your living here, or I have people come in to help me.

Bear in mind, the latter option will come with a twenty percent raise in your rents."

There was startled murmuring all around the room when Keitaro said that, but he continued on undeterred.

"Shinobu, you already cook for everybody and clean the kitchen and dishes, so you're exempt no matter what happens." Keitaro told the youngest member of Hinata Inn. "Anyways, as I was saying, you all can either split up some chores amongst yourselves or pay twenty percent extra a month. What's it gonna be?"

"Twenty percent?" Naru exclaimed. " I can't afford that!"

"I'm out." Kitsune said. "I barely keep my head above water as it is."

"My sister- I mean, I cannot afford that." Motoko said, panic momentarily flashing across her face.

"Well then." Keitaro said and tapped his clipboard. "I guess that leaves only option. This is a list of chores..." he said, handing the clipboard and a pencil to Kitsune "Divide them up amongst yourselves and mark them off."

"I'll take sweeping the hallways and dusting." Kitsune said, marking her choices and passing the clipboard to Naru. "Here you go."

"Oh, thanks Kitsune. Take all the easy ones." Naru said as she took the clipboard.

"Hey, someone's got to do it!" Kitsune said with a cheeky grin.

Naru gave an irritated growl before she and Motoko put their heads together and looked at the list of chores that were left. As the two girls debated on what to pick, Keitaro lit a cigarette and looked around the room.

Notably absent from the room was one Koalla Su, Hinata Inn's resident genius.

_"Oh well._" he thought as the two girls finished with the list. _"She was told about the meeting. She doesn't want to show up, she can get what's left." _

"Hey." Naru said as she and Motoko turned towards him. "We've got our chores picked out, but Su isn't here." she said "We want to make sure that there isn't anything she might want before we make our choices final-"

"No." Keitaro said, shutting Naru down as he stepped forward and took the clipboard from her. "I told her about the meeting. She's not here, she can get what's left."

"That's unfair!" protested Naru with a stomp of her foot. "She should be here to choose-"

"Then she should have _been here_." Keitaro interrupted her as he looked at the list. "Maybe next time she'll be here when she's supposed to. I see you guys split cleaning the baths and grounds between yourselves. I guess she gets to have fun with garbage collection."

"Urashima-" Motoko began.

"Can it." Keitaro cut her off before she could continue. "You don't like how I run things, you know where the door is."

Keitaro looked around at the girls. "Any more questions?" he asked. Not getting any he smacked the clipboard with his fingers. "Okay then, you all start tomorrow."

With that, he turned on his heel and walked out of the room.

Oo000ooo000oO

"Keitaro, do you have a minute?"

Keitaro looked up from where he was replacing some rotted boards in the decking to see his Aunt Haruka standing over him.

"Yeah." he said. "What's up?"

Haruka crossed her arms and regarded her nephew. "Motoko and Naru just stopped by the cafe." she said. "They told me that you were being horribly unfair to the tenants here, assigning chores and threatening to raise their rents if they didn't do them?"

"Oh, _that_." Keitaro said dismissively. "You why I did that?" he asked.

"Why?" inquired Haruka.

Keitaro smirked." I was walking by the baths to get breakfast and I overheard those two plotting to try and drive me away by giving me so much crap that I'd quit." he explained.

"Oh, I see." Haruka said, taking a puff on her cigarette. "They left that part out."

"I'm sure they did." Keitaro said. "Besides, you know how big this place is. It's way too big for one guy to cover, especially with all the upkeep that needs to be done around here."

"Well, you have a point there." Haruka agreed. "I was doubting that you'd do something like they were saying you were. And this place _has_ been needing some work done."

"Well, it's not like Grandma could do it." Keitaro pointed out. "I mean, she's what, in her eighties?"

"She's seventy eight." Haruka corrected him.

"I was close. Anyways, like I said, there's no way she could keep this place up." Keitaro continued. "So, I was just killing two birds with one stone here. I give them a dose of their own medicine, and I get help keeping this place up."

"Ah." Haruka said. "And what of Su?"

"She wasn't there." Keitaro answered. "I told her that there was a manager tenet meeting and she didn't show up. So she got what was left."

"And how did _she_ take the news?" Haruka asked.

Keitaro shrugged. "She said it was a chance for her to test some inventions of hers." he said. "So, I really don't think that she cares all that much. Neither do I really, just as long as it gets done."

"I see." Haruka said, and leaned over to look at what Keitaro was doing. "Fixing those loose boards?"

"They were rotted, but yeah." Keitaro said.

"Oh, well thank you." his aunt said. "Shinobu tripped over them last week when she was hanging up her wash."

"You're welcome." Keitaro said as he picked up his hammer. "Now, if you'll excuse me, after this I've got a couple of loose steps to look at and then there's some stones in the baths need re-mortared."

"Don't let me keep you." Haruka said. "Talk to you later, Keitaro."

"Later, Aunt Haruka." Keitaro said.

Oo000ooo000oO

"Okay, that should be everything..." Keitaro mumbled to himself as he checked the list he had made up.

"What ya doing?"

Keitaro marked his place on the list and looked up to see Kitsune grinning at him, draped over the back of a couch.

"I'm doing a shopping run." Keitaro answered. "We're short a few things around here that I need to make repairs and I was going to go hit the hardware store."

"Cool. You mind if I come with?" Kitsune asked as she got off the couch.

Keitaro arched an eyebrow at the grinning woman. "Aren't you supposed to be sweeping the halls?" he asked.

"Just finished." Kitsune answered as she sidled up next to him and draped herself over him. "I used a dust mop- zip, swish, and you're done."

"There's a dust mop?" Keitaro asked as he went back to his list.

"Uh huh." Kitsune replied. "It's in the downstairs broom closet."

"That's good to know." Keitaro said as he finished reviewing his list. "Well, let's go." he said as he folded up his list and stuck it in his pocket.

"Hey, let's go get a drink when you're done.' Kitsune suggested as they headed for the door.

"Sure." Keitaro said. "I could use one after getting woke up by Naru's bitching this morning."

Kitsune chuckled at the mention of her friend. "Yeah." she said. "Naru is so _pissed_ at you."

"I imagine that she is." Keitaro sadi.

"Yeah, she really went on a tear after the meeting." Kitsune continued. "You really got her wound up."

Keitaro snorted in amusement as they put their shoes on. "I guessed as much when I saw her stomp by the kitchen when I was getting a beer." he said. "She was muttering something about me. Your name came up too."

"Oh, she was pissed that I got the easy jobs first." Kitsune said with a wave of her hand. "I just got to give her a day or two and she'll be fine."

"Okay." Keitaro said as they walked out the front door. "Has Naru always been this high strung?"

Kitsune thought for a second. "Yeah." she said with a nod of her head. "She's wants to get into Tokyo University, so she's been fixated on that since we hit high school."

"She's been cramming for Tokyo U since she was fifteen?" Keitaro asked. "Ouch. Been there, done that, almost got the nervous breakdown."

"Good thing that your boss Shinji came along, huh?" Kitsune asked with a laugh and nudged him with her elbow.

"You remember me telling you that?" Keitaro asked. "You were pretty blitzed that night."

Kitsune arched an eyebrow at him. "Keitaro, what kind of journalist would I be if I couldn't conduct an interview while drunk?"

"I didn't know that was a job skill for journalists." commented Keitaro.

"Oh, all good journalists and writers are drunks." Kitsune said with a smile.

"I did not know that." Keitaro said. "By the way, how was I when we got back?"

"You were... _excellent_, cowboy." Kitsune answered with a sly look on her face.

"Good. We'll have to do it again sometime." Keitaro said, punctuating his statement by groping Kitsune's ass.

"EEK! Oh, you dirty, _dirty_, man..."

Oo000ooo000oO

Motoko sighed and wiped the sweat off her brow.

"Our plan seems to have been turned against us, naru." she observed.

"You think?" Naru asked sarcastically as she leaned against her rake.

"It would appear so." Motoko said somewhat stiffly.

"So hoe the hell did he find out?" Naru asked.

"I was walking by the entrance to the baths and I over heard your little plotting session."

Both girls jumped when Keitaro spoke and they spun around to find him sitting on a nearby decorative rock.

"Hi." Keitaro said with a wave.

"So this is all just a means to punish us?" Motoko demanded.

"You were trying to peep on us!" Naru accused.

Keitaro lit a cigarette and took a deep draw on it before responding. "First of all..." he began, looking at Motoko. "Yes, this is a punishment for being a couple of sneaky, conniving, _cunts_. Second of all, I really _do_ need help from the tenets in maintaining this place."

He then turned his attention to Naru. "And as for you- why the _fuck_ would I want to ogle a couple of under developed wannabe bull dykes?" he asked.

Both girls eye's widened to the size of dinner plates when he said that, and Naru doubled up her fist. Keitaro merely cracked his knuckles and smiled at her. Motoko, remembering what had happened when she had tried to draw her sword, stayed put.

Naru, on the other hand, launched herself at Keitaro. She saw his smile change into a smirk, and after that everything was blur. She saw him move, then a freight train hit her in the gut and the next thing she knew she was on the ground coughing.

"Yeah." Keitaro said as he looked down at the coughing Naru "A word of advice? Don't do that." he told her.

Motoko took a step back when he looked up at her. "You got anything else to say?" he asked her.

Motoko shook her head.

"Okay, if you need me, I'm gonna be dinking around with the boiler." he said and then turned on his heel and walked away.

Oo000ooo000oO

END.

(1) Upper receiver: In rifles like the SCAR, M-4/Ar/15, FAL, Masada, etc, the receiver (What the barrel goes into and what holds the magazine and the internals)  
splits apart for cleaning and disassembly.

So "upper receiver" refers to the upper part, where the barrel goes into.

Authors Note: It was suggested to me in the reviews section that I was in error regarding some parts of my story. In rebuttal, allow me to point some things out:

One: Motoko carries a sword and Su creates and uses explosives, energy weapons, and smart munitions all the time with no penalty. Keitaro using a USP and a SCAR is routine in this type of environment.

Two: Keitaro is there because his grandmother asked him to. She is his grandmother, and there is a tradition of honoring your elders in Japan and other Asian countries.

Three: Grandma Hina is on a multi year trip around the world. That means that she is paying for food, lodging, airfare, and other assorted expenses, and dealing with currency fluctuations and exchange rates, so she is of considerable personal wealth.

four: I do appreciate the suggestion that I read Karndragon's works, however, the person who suggested it was quite rude and as such I am disinclined to do so.

Thank you.

Zombie Boy.


End file.
